Monday, 29 August 2016



“When a man doesn’t feel safe loving you, he stops.” – T.D Jakes

I was listening to this sermon today when I heard these words and it struck me. I have been meditating on those words all day, not just because they apply to me, but also because it answers a whole bunch of questions. It answers the question of how a person can miss or want someone so bad but at the same time get irritated in their presence. It answers the question of why your mind (thoughts) can be with someone, and your heart seems to be so far away…

How safe is your relationship? How safe is it to love you?

I know a certain young lady who had a boyfriend and they were always having issues. Now, the lady in question had this friend who occasionally visits. And most times when he visits, he spends the night at her place. Honesty, nothing was happening between them, they were just friends but the problem was that her boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with it and frankly, I don’t think anyone in his shoes would be. The relationship ended afterwards and both parties went their separate ways. Was she wrong for having a close friend? The answer is ‘no’. And was her boyfriend wrong for feeling insecure? The answer is ‘no’. So, what was the problem? It’s simple: they made their relationship an unsafe place.

Being reasonable and being right are two close but distinct terms. It’s right to do as you see fit but it’s reasonable if you put others into consideration before you act. A classic example is the case of Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa. I watched one of Amber’s interviews after they broke up and she said something that got to me. During the period she was married to Wiz, she cut off from some certain relationships she thought would affect her relationship. The thing is if she decided not to, she wouldn’t have been wrong either but she deemed her relationship more important than whatever previous ties she had, she did what she thought would be safe for her and the man she loved. The problem we have today is that most relationships are unsafe and selfish — people fighting for their own self-interest. Politics is even played in the home, leaving loopholes and cracks for anger, jealousy, third-parties to interfere.

Is it safe to love you? Is it safe to be vulnerable with you? If I open my heart and give you my all would you use it against me? You say no, but I don’t feel it. Are you in a relationship that doesn’t make you act or feel anything less than perfection? One that makes you feel like there is always something wrong, especially with you. You are not allowed to need or want support. It’s important to feel anything but insecurity.

How safe is it to love you? You’ve messed up so many times, making the same mistakes, having the same arguments and you wonder why things are getting worse. It’s been ages since you last heard ‘I love you’, and when it’s said it lacks depth and worth.

Loving someone is scary. Falling one or twice and missing makes the third attempt seem stupid. It might be her eleventh time and you are not making it any easier. She is hearing things from John, seeing things on your phone and has your silence to deal with every night, it’s not safe, your home is a broken place, and your presence is a source of irritation, loving you is risky.

We may not necessarily make love easy but we can make it safe.

Author: prynczzwonda

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